he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
