i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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