if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
