Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
