You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
