I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
