that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
