I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
