you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
