Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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