I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
