I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize