I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
