Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
