I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
