im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
