in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
