God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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