Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
