I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
