Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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