i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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