Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
