Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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