i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
