Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
