what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
