Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
