life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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