I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
