My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
