so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
