I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
