Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize