can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
