and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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