so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
