How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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