so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
