careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
