she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
