I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
