Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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