I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
