You're completely useless in the revolution.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
