Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
