It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
