Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
