i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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