I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
