We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
