ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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