Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
