Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
