Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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