The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize