she was so not down for the gang bang
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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