had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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