let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
