i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
