please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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