Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
